Friday, May 24, 2013

Dracula on NBC

I have absolutely no idea what to make of this.  None.  I'll tell you this:  Bram Stoker's Dracula with Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves was over-the-top bizarre.  And as much as I love Gary Oldman, I didn't find him sexy in that.  And as much as I LOVE Jonathan Rhys Meyers, I'm concerned that I'm not finding him all that sexy in this trailer.  And I found his ass sex-Y in The Tudors.  Hell I found him sexy in Bend it Like Beckham!  But this trailer isn't making me jump up and down.  Hmmm...

I will give it a chance and see what another trailer has to offer.  In the meantime...

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Game of Thrones: Second Sons and Lots of Douchebaggery Goodness

Spoiler alert:  I am caught up on GOT - aka TWO MORE EPISODES LEFT in Season 3, y'all!

Yeah Khal.  I'm about to
do your wife. Any questions?  
WHAT the F.  That Titus Pullo clone who is being totally gross and disrespectful to Khaleesi really needs to die.  HOW revolting.  His hot companion is a different story entirely.  I have a feeling he's the new Mr Dragon Lady. 

They had better NOT kill this adorable little Baratheon bastard.  He's so cute.  I can see a future for that kid as long as he avoids the lady in red and her lamb-slaughtering henchmen. 

Ooooh it speaks!!!  He is HOT!!! Titus' buddy is smokin'!  Dragon lady will soooo sleep with him.

AHHHHH!!! Sansa is so lucky she's marrying Tyrion.  She just doesn't know it.  I love how he asked if she drank wine.  He's probably going to go back to his old ways and is about to consort heavily with The Drink.  He reminds me of Arthur.  "Marry {Sansa}...and cheat with the nobody from Queens." 

I just hate you because you're younger
and cuter than me.  Prepare for misery. 
Holy crap - Cersei scares the bejesus out of me.  Anne Boleyn better watch out.  She'll eat her liver with some fava beans...and a nice Chianti.  She's pure evil...just like her son. 

OMG THE WEDDING!!  And Joffrey's giving Sansa away!  Oh this poor girl!!!  This is like Princess Bride!  Where's Wesley?!  Where's the Giant?  Where's Inego Mantoya?

Joffrey...are you being a douche, YET
again?  Why yes...I believe you are.  
OMG Joffrey you dickity douchey douchebag!!!  He pulls the step stool away and his ASSHAT of a grandfather does NOTHING!!!  And whoa - is it me or does the priest look like Elvis?  What's with the porkchop sideburns?

BB aka Baratheon Bastard.  
OH geez - the lady in red who spews black powder monsters from her loins is all "you think I'm trying to poison you??"  No, bitch, I KNOW you're trying to poison me!   BB (Baratheon Bastard )  fight her!  Keep your eyes open!!!  Are the lambs still screaming????

OH SHIT - she's derobing him.  Yikes.  this poor guy is like "WTF - I'm just trying to live life and be the BB I am."  OMG she just hates keeping her clothes on, doesn't she??

"Then you'll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock" - greatest line of the night!  Ohhhh gramps.  You really have a way with evil, rudedog words.  

Oooh snap.  Khaleesi DOES have herself a new boy toy and he is cute!  Good thing he beheaded those assholes.  I couldn't stand one more second of Titus Pullo and his dirty mouth.  Even Orbit couldn't have saved that jackass.

WHAT was that scary assed thing that almost killed the adorable overweight kid and his babymama girlfriend???  That was one of the best scenes I've seen in a LONG time...on ANYTHING!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

ONCE Upon a Time: Season 2 Finale

Spoiler Alert:  I have finished Season 2.

YEY!  So happy Mr. Gold turned Lacey back into Belle.  That was so CUTE!  They were makin' out!  I don't think I've ever seen Mr. Gold kiss anyone before!

OK so they were standing together and my husband and I had the following exchange:

Hubby: Wasn't she more attractive in LOST?
Me:  Wasn't he more attractive in...everything else he's ever been in?

This show is getting out of control.  So now we have three worlds.  1) Storybrook...2) The Old World (whatever the heck it's called) and 3) Neverland.  Lordddddddddd I hope we don't run into Michael Jackson there.

I am concerned about all this Neverland crap.  They seem to be turning Peter Pan into a meany pie,
"Shadow" or not.  The Lost Boys (how appropriate) are mean, too.  I don't mind changing fairytales...but sheesh, people.  It's Neverland and Peter Pan.  Come on, now!  Maybe Peter Pan will show up next season and save the day.  THAT would be cool.

I have to admit that I'm underwhelmed at the Henry-stuck-in-Neverland story for next season.  Whatevs.  He'll end up having a grand old time and inviting people back to Storybrook for some of Regina's apple turnovers.

WHAT is with separating Gold and Belle??  Is there no one else in that town who can watch the store (which, apparently, from the looks of last night's sign shot, is a PAWN SHOP with a few antiques thrown in. Hmmm).  You mean they can't go grab one of the dwarfs or Red and say "Ummm...yeah...follow these directions, Chumley...we'll be back in a flash."

OK so not back until the fall.  Again - I'm oddly not very bothered by that.  Hoping they're not falling into a writing rut like LOST.  And I hope they bring Neil back.  He was cool.  And I miss Rene so much on True Blood; it was a weekly fix.

PS - Hook - you are HOT, dude.  Keep it up.


Game of Thrones: All Sorts of Cray Cray Happening Now

SPOILER ALERT:  I am current in Game of Thrones as of Sunday, May 12th. 

GO John Snow.  I knew he'd stand up for himself to the dude who tried to cut him loose.  John's been steadily growing a set since he got together with the furry people and Jan Brady.

OMG Rob Stark is thinking with NOTHING but his Johnson.  It's pathetic.  And his mother knows it.  And she knows he's going to get them all killed.

Oh lordddddddddd...Rob Stark's wife has a bun in the oven.  Even MORE to keep him from doing his job and thinking like a king.

Eeek...so the dude who almost killed John Snow and Jan Brady has a thing for Jan!  OutSTANDing!

Uh ohhhh...Sansa is pouring her heart out to Anne Boleyn from the Tudors...aka the future Mrs. Joffrey Borathean.  Who, PS, is AWESOME on pretty much any show she's on.  Thank God Sansa has her to talk to.  And I can't believe she admits what Joffrey did to her!  (Do we know exactly what he did to her?)

Great conversation between Tyrion and his right hand man:  "If you waste time trying to get people to love you you'll end up the most popular dead man in town."  I agree with the right hand man.  Tyrion wants Sansa...he just doesn't want to admit he wants Sansa.

I have a sneaking suspicion Joffrey is going to have his grandfather killed one day.  I'm just not sure when.

Ohhhh boy.  Khaleesi is about to steal s'more slaves.  NICE.

OMG I feel so bad for Tyrion's whore.  The poor thing.  And I was cheering her when she stood up for herself.  As much as I love myself some Tyrion Lannister, I'd have done the same thing.  She has to look out for herself...and he can't have his cake and eat it too.

On the Borathean bastard:

Hubby:  He's...he's...(then, simultaneously):
Hubby: The Full Monty's son.
Me:  Fred Flinstone's son.

LOL!! So funny.

OH MY GOD they're going to cut off ________ johnson!!!!!  Holy CRAP!  That scene was horrifying!!

And now Jan Brady is realizing that John Snow has zero intentions of going over the wall with her and her furry friends.  I thought she'd flip out on him...but instead...she jumped him!  That was tremendous!!!





Thursday, May 9, 2013

Vampire Diaries: Elena, You Ignorant Slut

SPOILER ALERT:  I am caught up on Vampire Diaries as of today.  Next week is the season finale of season - crap - what season is this? LOL!

OH my god...I can't believe how completely ridiculous this show has gotten.

OMG Sooooo annoying. Somebody punch her, please. 
Matt is what, 17?  18?  And he's behind the bar, serving alcohol.  Is that even legal?  And then Rebecca grabs a bottle of...whatever...and walks away with it in the bar.  And these are supposed to be HIGH SCHOOL students! WTF?

And is this Vampire Diaries?  Or The Elena Show?  I am so sick of her, I don't know what to do.  And don't get me wrong; I like Nina Dobrev.  I think she's a cool chick.  I'll betcha SHE'S sick of Elena, too!

And OMG if one more person shows up and ends up to be Silas...UGH.  Gag.  It was cool early on...the first time or two...but now it's just a free-for-all and totally ridiculous.

OMG could ANYONE ELSE in this town be living for Elena?  It's SO annoying.

For the love of all that's holy, WHEN are
the producers going to let us make OUT?
There is only one thing that is cool right now:  ALARIC!!!!!!!  I have never been so happy to see a
really dead after so many fake deaths character in my life!  Isn't he adorable?!

And wait - if they don't get Rebecca and Matt together soon I'm going to scream.  I LOVE them...and he deserves to play something other than the Munsters' cousin Marilyn after all his loyal service all these years.

And...whoa...wait!  NOW we're getting somewhere!  Rebecca's old boyfriend from the cover of the Harlequin novel?!  YOWSA!  He's adorable in his Men In Tights ensemble!  LOVE!!  And the other vampire hunters are back, too.  Whoever writes this is ripping off so much shiz from Supernatural, it's not even funny.  And I gave up on that show after about 6 seasons...so I'm getting a little nervous about this one.

I have no good reason for including this photo, other than
they both look ridiculously hot in it.  So here it is.  Enjoy. 
BUT - it's amazing how this show can turn things around in ONE episode.  I started out miserable (see above) but now I think I can get behind some of these new story lines!

And PS - y'all should never have killed off Steve McQueen's hot grandson of the same name.  That kid is sorely missed.

Oh and another PS - if y'all think Bonnie is dead, you're fooling your damned selves.  She's died like 5 times already, too.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Game of Thrones: Ten Shows in One!

Spoiler Alert:  I'm caught up as of today. 

***NOTE:  Beware.  I started off this post with no recollection of newer character names.  I hope my descriptions suffice.

I'm so upset because I am running
out of things to be upset by.
OK...a few minutes in and trying to remember who the curly haired chick who can't skin a rabbit is?  Why don't I remember her?  And it's pretty surprising that they both obey listen to the little Stark kid.  Uh ohhhh...the Stark kid's young advisor and dreamer-at-large saw Jon Snow..."on the wrong side of the wall, he was surrounded by enemies."  DOH!  That's not good news now, is it??  I hope Jan Brady isn't going to sell John out again.

Oh for the love of god...speaking of Jon Snow - does he ALWAYS have to look so damned miserable?  Geez dude...you just got laid for god's sake...smile for a second, would ya?

Oooh Arya is learning to handle a bow so she can be even more badass when she gets older and rules.  Yup.  I said it.  She'll rule.  You saw it here first.  (LOL those of you who read the books are laughing at me right now, I'm sure.)

Ew.  This redheaded chick who springs forth black powder babies from her loins bugs the crap out of me.  And here she is - in a cave - with guys I'll call Dude 1 and Dude 2.  Dude 1 has really bad teeth and Dude 2 has one eye...and "dies all the time" according to my husband.  Uh oh...one-eyed Dude 2 says he's been to the other side and it's dark.  I'm thinking that shouldn't be a surprise to the red headed chick as she's a freakkkkkkkk of the devil.

Ooooh snap!  They took Arya's bud and Arya stood up to her and asked if he (Dude 1) was taking him because of the Lord of Light - or because of the redheaded beotch.  And the read headed beotch just said a bunch of jibberish to Arya's bud - and says she "sees darkness" in Arya.  Shiz.  Wait - more jibberish fron Red about different colored eyes that Arya will "shut forever".  WTF does that mean?  Ugh...I loathe her cryptic bullshit.  Arya should just kill her now so we can move this along and get back to Jaime Lannister (who doesn't seem to be making an appearance this evening, damnit!)

How long do you think you can stand
to see me hanging on this big, huge X? 
OH my god this Theon-tied-to-an-X thing is reallyyyyyy freaking me out.  I'm getting a little sick Please...cut it off!"
of all these freaks cutting off appendages on this show.  Geez - at least give me more than 2 weeks to recover before you start threatening to cut off a pinky.  And I love how no one bleeds to death.  They just soak their stump for a bit and everything works out OK.  Oh crap - he guessed that...fjddddddd!!!!!  Sorry...keyboard slip when the pinky business started.  SHIT - he BEGGED him to cut it off!  I thought "No way is he every going to beg him to cut it off" and BAM!  "

OK I think I need to go throw up now.  GOD this show is gross.

"The lords of my fists are about to compel your teeth."  ROFLMAO!  Best...line...ever!!!  That's the type of thing I'd say to my kids only it would be more like "The lords of my palm are about to compel your backside."  NOT that I ever follow through.  And they've realized this by now and laugh at me when I say things like that.  And then we all start laughing and I forget what I was annoyed at in the first place.

OK WAIT!!!!

What do you mean I can't go with Jaime??  But I'm in a dress!
SASQUATCH IN A DRESS!!! All dolled up with her hair did!  OMG, that RULES!  It was so surprising, it stopped me from getting all aflutter over Jaime Lannister showing up on screen.  Poor thing...trying to cut his meat with his left hand.  And if he can't do that, how's he going to learn how to use a sword?  Dang.  And DANG - did you see that subtle little hand touch when Sasquatch held up her knife.  OH yeah.  They're gonna do it.  It's only a matter of time.

"You men may have a stomach for bloodshed and slaughter, but this is another matter, I assure you."  Another awesome line - this time by Olenna.

"True, we don't tie ourselves in knots over a discreet bit of buggery..."  OMG I love this woman.

HOLY Crap.  Apparently one little pick ax can topple a whole mountain.  I thought that was IT for
I'm just pissed because I don't have a
girlfriend who looks like Jan Brady.
Jan Brady.  Seriously.  I never thought she'd make it up that mountain after the crack heard round the 7 kingdoms.  And you knowwwwww this is not over between Jon Snow and that ugly dude who cut the rope.  Not by a longshot.  We'll be seeing this come up again.  I hope John grows a set and kills that ass.

Sansa is all excited about her wedding...and the Tyrell dude is all excited about wearing her dress after she takes it off.  LOL

Holy SHIT SHIT SHIT...Tyrion is going to tell Sansa that he has to marry her...but his girlfriend/ho is in the room and won't leave!  SHIT!!!!  OMG here it comes.  "This is awkward."  ROFLMAO.  SHIT and they leave us there!  NOooooo!!!

Ew.  Joffrey is just disgusting.  Seriously.  Just gross.  Someone should hang him upside down and tickle his feet until he squeals like the little baby he is.  What a loser.  And Cersea is his mother...so you know she's as evil as they come for rearing such a shitty little bastard.

"Sansa, don't you know how lucky you
are?  I am the hottest bad boy to come
down the pike since Neil Patrick Harris!"
DOH!  Tito, get Sansa a tissue.  She's upset that she has to marry Tyrion, which tells me m'girl is CRAY CRAY because I would HIT THAT like nobody's business.  And is it me or does Tyrion's girlfriend/ho seem more pissed than upset?  I love her - I really wish they could be together out in the open.  Never say never.

OH boy. Jon Snow, you ignorant slut!  Nahhhh he's adorable.  I'm glad he's finally adopted this "eff it - I don't care" attitude about kissing his girl on top of the mountain.  Even if she does look like the movie Jan Brady.

Next week scenes:  Oh NO!  Jamie is leaving Sasquatch!  Oh good - Khaleesi.  EEEK...so much going on next week, I can't keep up!  They are getting to this point where almost everyone is in every episode.  Holy crap - it's like a highly concentrated hit of character goodness every week!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

ONCE Upon a Time: Peter Pan is SO Rude!

SPOILER ALERT:  I'm up to the 2nd to last episode in Season 2.  

I'm just as cute on Once as
I was on True Blood, yeah? 
Holy crap.  Neil sure does have shitty luck with portals!  WTF?? Where'd he go?  And he finally found out that Tamara was up to no good, too.  That is reallyyyyyy annoying.  They better bring his ass back.  It was upsetting enough when they killed him off True Blood.  I don't think I could deal with it if he didn't show up and get back with Emma.

Ugh - Mr. Gold.  I'm tired of his whole setup with "Lacey".  She's baaaaaad news.  Worse than he is.  I fear she's going to leave him.  Or kill him.  One of the two.  (Has anyone ever pondered the enormity of this show without Robert Carlyle?  I can't even imagine.)

Oooh snap - I'm still watching and "Bay" aka "Neil" aka "Rene" was just dropped in the water by Evil Peter Pan (which I don't like at ALL.  Who makes Peter Pan evil??  THAT pisses me off.)

Wait - Neil is on a ship.  Gotta be...yup...HOOK.  He's now on Hook's boat.  Oh SHIT!  Gold killed Hook's girlfriend aka Gold's own slutty wife!  And now his own son is on the ship with Hook!  Didn't see THAT one coming.

Emma is all upset about Neil.  But...hello?  He's fallen through a portal before...what makes her think he won't come back again?  Such a glass half empty type of girl.

And um, meanwhile, could they at least give us some sort of HINT as to where Neil is now?  WAIT - WAIT - WAIT - Hook was WITH Tamara and the weird dude earlier in the episode.  Maybe HE has Neil now...just like he had him when he was a kid and was in the water!

Lordddddddd Snow's hair.  Don't get me wrong - she's adorable with short hair.  But this?  It's practically shaved.  And that is a toughhhhh look for women to pull off.  She needs a little flip in the back or something.

Oh shiz - Regina built a curse into the gem.  Tamara and her dorky boyfriend have it.  Uh ohhhh...she wants to "blow Storybrook off the map".  Not exactly a fun scenario.

Lorddddddd the Avengers...NOT.
OMG - next week:  Regina, Charming, Snow and Emma - all running toward us in dark colors...just
like the Avengers.  Lord, it's like Season 4 of True Blood.  Meh.

Season finale next week too.  Wonder what the cliff hanger will be this time.  Lemme guess?  They all end up back in the old world.  Or the new world.  Shit, I can't keep this show straight.  It's like LOST with prettier costumes.


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Game of Thrones: WTF is Going On?

SPOILER ALERT:  I'm up to the most recent episode, Through the Fire and the Flames.

Step OFF, bitch!
Finally catching up on Game of Thrones.  Is it me or is this show is getting ridiculously confusing?   It's like trying to figure out an SAT word problem when you've got a wicked cold and took a little too much Dimetapp.  For the love of all that's holy...I'd almost rather watch Khaleesi bitch about her dragons for another season.

OK so WTF has happened to the House of Stark?  They're scattered all over the universe.  I loved them early on when Ned was the head of the household and the boys used to frolic in the meadow with their wolves.  I'll tell you one thing; that Arya is a badass.  I think she's more competent to handle the throne than Rob.  Lordddd that guy is a hot mess.  Either send your MOM and wife home or tell them to fix you a turkey pot pie.  Geez...do SOMETHING other than whine, dude.

Why am I freezing out here
when I could be skinny-
dipping with John Snow?
It's the new Jan Brady!
And John Snow and the redhead (who reminds me of the movie Jan Brady)... HEL-loooooo.  "I just wanted to kiss you there" (said in a cockney Paul McCartney accent, circa 1964).  I guess we all saw that coming.  But is it me or was it a little...uncomfortable?  The whole scene seemed a little disjointed.

Holy hell - here comes poor Jamie Lannister and his hand hanging around his neck.  OH SHIT - that wrist is looking GNARLY.  Dayam.  Take the milk of the poppy, ya dumbass!  WHat are you thinking?  That always makes me laugh when they try to tough it out when someone's basically pulling their skin off with the equivalent of a handmade hacksaw.  Lovely.

I just wish they'd give me
something else to do but
bitch all damn day!
I don't even know what
to say about Sasquatch.
OMG finally Rob Stark shows some balls.  But how can he when he's gotta Mama (who IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THIS) and his new wifey questioning his every move??  THAT'S IT. Forget the pot pie.  He needs to send them the hell home.  They don't belong with him at war.  Although...um...since when does the king double as executioner?  Kindof bizarre.

OMG Jamie Lannister you poor bugger.  That story!  He is going to FORCE me to love him, damnit.    Why didn't he TELL anyone?  And it makes him even more attractive that he didn't!  And I swear, I think he's going to hook up with Sasquatch.  I think I might even like it!  She rules.  Let's be honest.  Starkmom was a fool to let her go.  Hell - Rob's getting so uptight that he might lop off HER head next.

I'm sorry, what?  I wasn't listening.  I was too busy
coming up with my next douchy move toward Tyrian.
OK so...by the lacking nature of this post, you can pretty much tell how much this episode sucked.  I'm leaving whole storylines out because they were boring confusing as hell.  UNTIL THE LAST SCENE.  Holy crap!!!  I don't know what I loved more...the juicyness of the entire scene...or the smirk-wiping Cersei suffered when she found out she has to marry that Tyrell guy who's always bedding the guys.  That was de-LICIOUS.
I am the sceeviest man on this show. 

She was sitting there all smug at poor Tyrian...who has such a good heart.  If they marry him off to Sansa, it'll be totally bizzarre...but AWESOME.  You can't GET a better storyline!  OMG Sansa is going to freak.  Although  - ew - does she want Littlefinger?  Gross.  SO sceevy.  If I were her, I'd be all "sounds good to me!"   I love myself some Tyrian Lannister.  He's hot...and you'd laugh your ass off all damn day!